Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Attack the Block, Conan the Barbarian, The Birds, The Killing, and other things...

Attack the Block, VF* and fucking brilliant! Trust!

          Go and see this movie right now. If it's in a theater near you, that is. I had to wait around to see this movie, having botched my opportunity to see it during San Diego Comic Con (damn slow service at Hard Rock Cafe!), and I did in fact have to cross state to see it but it was so worth it!
          If Super 8 (Not VF) is an alien invasion from the perspective of the innocence of childhood, Attack the Block is from the perspective of...well not that. The kids in this flick are machete wielding, alien-ass kicking gangsters who know how to take matters into their own hands. You wouldn't want to meet them in a dark alley, but in case of an infestation of wolf-like, glowing jawed extra-terrestrials, you best keep near them. The ringleader of this gang of well-armed minors, Moses, will be your new best hero. He's played masterfully by John Boyega dispite this being his first film. He's cool, subtle, and turns out to be a very sympathetic character.
          Some other notable characters: Ron, the keeper of the weed room, the safest place in all of London, played by the Nick Frost (Paul (VF), Pirate Radio (VF), and Hot Fuzz (VF)), the way-too-stoned-for-this-shit-hipster Brewis played by Luke Treadaway, and my fave of Moses' team, who is also way-too-stoned but very lovable in my opinion, Pest, played by Alex Esmail whose IMDB page also has lots of room to grow.
          Never has my heart been so warmed by watching a bunch of aliens get their furry butts handed to them. I fell in love with these kids, and so will you. Have I told you enough to see this movie? Oh, right, it's impossible to tell you too much to see this movie. Go see this movie.
*There is a point where a kid gets the back of his head bitten off and stuff comes out of his mouth and while it's not technically V, you might want to close your eyes. It's in the scene where there is so much smoke in the hallway that the kid with glasses gets separated. The kid with the hat goes back to look for him, and when he finds him he's being dragged away by the monster. At that point, close your eyes and count to 20 or so. No need to cover your ears. Don't let this scene stop you from seeing this movie.

Now on the other hand...

Conan the Barbarian is VF and terrible and why would you subject yourself to such a thing?

           I can't in good conscience write a real drawn out review of this, because I walked out of the theater. That is a testament, however, to how bad it was. When the ridiculously inappropriate Morgan Freeman narration started, I just prayed to the gods of cinema that this was another trailer for a far worse move that I would never buy tickets for, but by the time the battlefield c-section happened I knew that my evening at the cinema would be a sour one. The dialogue was super squirmy, and the gore was so very splashy, sticky, and tasteless that I was positive there was going to be some kind of horrible V scene that would happen that would just ruin my mood along with my night, so I bid my hubby and his friend adieu, reminding myself to call them suckers the next time I saw them...
          They assured me that the rest of the movie was VF, and I trust them. So if you feel you must see this movie, it's emet friendly, despite being an offense to the rest of the brain.

Some quickies...

The Birds (1963) IV- I actually got to see this on the big screen, which was pretty cool. I'm no Hitchcock aficionado, I've only seen a handful of the most obvious of his films: Psycho (1960, VF), North by Northwest (1959, VF) and my favorite of the bunch Vertigo (1958, VF), but this one was by far the least grounded in reality. It never really gets hammered out what those damn birds are up to. There is an instance of IV, but it's super obvious. The girl looks terrible, she says something to the effect of "I'm sick" and runs off screen. You can just cover your ears and hum the jeopardy theme one time, no need to cover your eyes, unless it makes you feel better.

The Killing (1956) VF- This film noir is one of Stanley Kubrick's early films and I really enjoyed it. It's a caper-type flick, along the lines of Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (my second favorite movie of all time, IV) or Oceans 11 (VF? It's been a while...) and it feels very modern. If you like crime, you'll like this movie.

The Eagle (2011) Not VF- This was one of those rash netflix decisions that was quickly regretted. I'm not the greatest Channing Tatem fan, nor am I history/war movie/Roman things in general fan, and once the V scene happened we just turned it off. The scene happens about 15 minutes into the movie. Tatem is about to take his legion into battle, he says a prayer to himself, then turns to address his legion, he yells stuff, and then there is a quick but graphic instance. If you want to close your eyes/ears I would start when he starts his speech, and when you hear him wind down his speech through your hands I would hum the jeopardy theme one time, perhaps two to be on the safe side. I don't know if there are further V scenes, so if you want to update me just comment, or tweet me @VFcinema

Word on the street...

According to my friend Matt, the Doctor Who special  "Waters of Mars" is SO Not VF I should not even try and watch it.

I have from a very good source that the pilot of the new series Alcatraz is Not VF, but the instance is early, obvious and brief and we should all watch it anyway.

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